Get on and Shine with Holly Honeychurch

Get on and Shine with Holly Honeychurch

What do you do if somebody calls themselves an arsehole and you say ‘no you’re not’, but then over the course of time you realise they are in fact an arsehole?

Arsehole could be many different things. In this case, for me, it’s talking too much and not listening enough. Simple yet profound.

How do you pull away from someone vulnerable? To save yourself.

If I had held on to all the psychic vampires in my life and spoken to them regularly, I would have no time to live my own life because I’d be hooked into their dramas and reality. It’s not easy to switch off when they stop speaking either. I’m the sort of person who mulls it over again and again. I’d like to feel it less.

I’m wondering why over my lifetime, I’ve ended up friends with people who talk a lot, about themselves and their lives, hardly able to stop for breath. And I just listen and respond with care. And keep listening, sometimes not even needing to respond because they don’t really want me to - and I start to feel something bad inside. Like an unconsciousness that I can’t escape from. Like I’m being devalued. I haven’t the heart to tell them to stop. I see the good in people and stay silent even when I feel affected negatively but this takes its toll on me mentally. I’m drained and confused, sometimes really upset because I’ve no way of helping - even listening doesn’t feel enough at this point - and now I have all these stories and images that I didn’t have before. My energy has changed. I talk faster, seem more anxious and it takes me a few hours to calm down.

It’s important to be aware of toxic relationships. I’m still learning how to navigate them. Not wanting to hurt but knowing I could hurt me more by listening. How honest do you get? Or do you just fade away and stop calling? It feels like a cop out but I understand it. I was honest with my mother last year and we no longer speak. It’s the only time I’ve stuck up for myself and spoken my truth - in order to stop the hurt. I learnt that many people don’t want to change - even when they know it’s causing the other person pain. No matter what their relationship is.

I’ve never told a friend that I’m feeling overwhelmed by them. It’s not my place. But then when I escape and stop calling, it feels like a weird ending. I’m torn because I’d want to know if people have a problem with me. It’s important to communicate. To grow. I’m ready to learn. Not to change completely, just to work together, figuring things out. I love being inspired by people so they bring out the best version of myself. I love being lifted up and lifting up others.

Moving forward, I’m excited to meet warm, receptive folk. I love listening and I love it when others listen to me. And respond. With a question or idea. Learning and respecting. I’m a Leo, I love to tell my story but I’m also aware of how much people can go on so I don’t hog the conversation. There’s a flow between people’s energies when it’s healthy. It’s something instinctual that your body and mind just figure out naturally I think.

I read an article about communication. There’s a bit in it about how people having a conversation usually spend most of their own air time relating the story back to themselves. It’s a self-centered, self-serving conversation between two people…or more. Relating it back is an odd thing. It negates completely what the first person has said and all of a sudden the attention has shifted to the other. It’s happened to me many times and it’s a party killer. It feels like I’m talking to a toddler. It feels disrespectful and that I shouldn’t be there. It makes me wish to escape. It’s an instinct, which I feel I need to cultivate more. A warning system.

And what about the person who speaks non stop for half an hour when you first connect without even asking how you are? Have we all met one of those?

This is where I come to true Friendship, where the connection is fun and beautiful. There are giggles and tears with long, interesting conversations. Give and take. Ebb and flow. It’s special. Your chemistry changes and you just know you love this person so much. Because having love affairs with your friends is totally nurturing. I wish I’d had it more. But Glasgow is a wonderful, bright, friendly city and I’m sure I’ve got adventures to come.

If you have relationships which seem unbalanced, I feel you. I’ve learnt many things from them and continue to learn. About myself, my goodness, my childlike trust, my inability to speak up for fear of conflict, and my value.

I wish everyone peace and love. It doesn’t mean I have to be friends with you though.

Visit smiley @peaceful_barb on Instagram, if you have it, for the most beautiful affirmations and wisdom. She’s wonderful.