I had a realisation during a breathe meditation this morning. I realised I spend so much time justifying myself to myself, it’s exhausting. From now on, if I don’t like something I’m simply going to say ‘I don’t like it, I don’t want it, move on’ rather than keep persuading myself of something I already know. Keeping my thoughts in check is a healthy way not to go crazy 😄

What school bag did you have? I had a hard Samsonite briefcase laden down with many books. It could get super heavy depending on the day and survived being thrown around a fair bit. It felt indestructible actually. Now I’m a soft, light backpack kinda gal 😃

The Keep Going On Song by The Bengsons is my new favourite song and seems to make me and so many others incredibly emotional. The comments section is a beautiful sharing. It’s wholesome, innocent, gentle, sensitive and poignant and I love it and I love them. What a duo. Just wonderful.

I felt vulnerable and insecure yesterday and couldn’t control my emotions. I was questioning my musical direction and feeling sorry for myself after a strange review came through to me. I was so sad that I even incorporated the experience into my dream. And the dream amplified my sorrow ten fold because I dreamt that more and more bad reviews were piling up. I felt like a ship lost at sea without her anchor. It was sad because I was loving my music one moment and then just because of someone’s opinion, all of a sudden I changed course and started questioning myself. Was I doing the right thing? Maybe I should make it like this so they’ll like it better. I was annoyed at them too - why even leave anything at all? Why not just think - this isn’t for me - and move on. Without a trace.

I felt judged. I didn’t like it. I tumbled into a big dramatic story which got me no-where, simply further into my own wallowing. I felt concerned that I could be derailed over something so small. One person’s opinion. Aarrgghh. I didn’t want to be that sensitive dammit. I wanted to be like Gandhi - “I WILL NOT LET ANYONE WALK THROUGH MY MIND WITH THEIR DITRY FEET.” and Elizabeth Gilbert - “If people don’t like what I’ve written, they can go write their own f@#king books.”

So after a long day of ups and downs I went to bed thinking - good or bad - those reviews aren’t any of my business. It made me feel peaceful knowing I was out of that game of ’like’ desperation. I’m happy when people write lovely things about my music (“I never realized how beautiful the harp could be. Thank you.”) and it makes me feel positive to think people are getting something out of my creations but I can’t let my life be ruled by their ratings and reviews. It’s taken some time to realise this and during that time I’ve witnessed my mood shifting dangerously, according to someone else’s opinion. I wonder why I loose myself so quickly to others? I’m glad for this experience though, it’s put things into perspective and helped me evolve.

Now I see more clearly - I’m on my own journey of expansion and discovery. I’ve got to be authentic. After my harp pieces have been released - they fly away - to distant shores - and my part in their story is over. I don’t need to keep checking up on them. It makes me feel free from the burden of others.

So of course….today I’m a featured artist on the same platform I got stressed about yesterday. Here’s a song called Aurora. The universe has a funny sense of humour don’t you think?

Delightful springtime walk. Can’t believe how pink, pink flowers are. They’ve got their own level of chrome going on.

I read an interview with Leigh Bardugo. I hadn’t heard of her before and saw she’s published many books and has a new Netflix series - Shadow and Bone. I liked the sound of it as I love dark, exotic, fantasy worlds with magical female protagonists. One episode in. I’m loving it.

Just bought a chocolate cake, didn’t bother slicing a piece off, got a couple of forks and delved into it whole. I’m living the dream people! After fantasising about this moment as a kid, I’ve just chomped freely on an entire chocolate cake. With my best friend. A perfect moment.