24: I talk about dealing with worry, my mind’s ability to lay booby traps for my body, confronting past traumas, seeking attention, feeling squeamish, how to stay positive amidst emotional stress, protecting myself against chatty people and being a brave warrior.

Cover song - I’ll Fly for You - Carnival Row Soundtrack

23: I’m in another part of the UK now talking about a crazy cat rescue, my encounter with some firemen, what it’s like to live with birmans and how I’m trying to get a handle on my tendancy to worry.

Gentle deer in the garden. Maybe she heard the harp. 😃

Hey good looking.

These were the final moments of the rescue. Altogether it took twelve people - 3 neighbours, a resident in the village (who’s roof he was on), me, Simon, an RSPCA inspector, 4 firemen and a stuntman animal rescuer to get lovely Rafferty to safety. Cats causing trouble again. 🙃😻

We’ve been hunting round for this catto for three days. He showed up last night on someone’s roof in the village. At its highest point. So steep, we needed expert help. We left him out there last night in the rain (sorry Raffy) and the Fire Brigade rescued him this morning. 🥳

New dance floor. New smiley face. It’s taken a while to get back into dance over the past week. I’ve been a bit preoccupied. I feel the difference in my soul tonight. I played with red ribbons in the wind and leapt about to Freak. The cattos joined in too. It’s great to be back.

Twisty Catto.

This is Morgan. He’s always round here though he doesn’t actually live here. He was a stray and the next door neighbours adopted him. He likes the underfloor heating so much that despite getting hissed at by the the birmans, he’s always waiting by the door to come in.

We reached an agreement. I’ll love him forever and he’ll let me stroke him continuously. La piéce de résistence à la cat crush.

Don’t think you can twist me round your paw with your sparkly eye. 😻

Hellooooo…? I don’t think he’s even in this realm.

Hudson poppet. I know you like my pillow but I have to go to sleep now.

This ball of sass is Orla. She likes to sit on the induction hob. Sometimes she turns it on.

Hudson aka Spud. Beautiful catto extraordinaire.

The first time I saw purple berries on a bush I was ecstatically happy for days afterwards. I saw them again in Glastonbury. Oh purple berries of loveliness, how happy you make me.

Tonight my mind exploded. Tonight, divine, ecstatic music nourished my soul. I sang my heart out. I sang to the Goddesses Radhe, Lakshmi, Durga and Kali. I asked for their help. I asked that they banish my fears, my anxieties, my pain and doubts. So I could fly free. Because that’s what it’s about for me. Flying above the storm clouds of my mind. Above my repression. Into golden sunlight.

I asked where my fears began. When I first started to doubt my truth. To doubt my voice. To feel nervous about speaking up and fearful of other people’s reactions. And the Goddesses showed me. As I sang, I retreated into my past. All of a sudden I was four years old again. Telling my mother that my grandfather had touched me. And I saw the cover up ensue. The hush hush of the situation. I never had a voice. I continued to see him. Throughout my whole childhood. They knew I was telling the truth, they believed me but they didn’t protect me. They failed me. Over and over. Mum, Dad - why did you let me see him again? Why was my voice not truly heard? The silence of it all was disgusting. The ignorance. The elephant in the room. I never got the chance to scream ‘how dare you’ at him. My voice, my sweet voice was suppressed. My truth vanquished. I grew up so confused. And I wept in that room tonight as the music swirled around me. I let go. My repressions bubbled out of me into a safe, warm space.

And that was the beginning of it all. Where I slowly suffocated myself from my truth. My feelings felt weak compared to others. I was frightened of the consequences of what I said. I felt pathetic. So unconfidence flourished. I put myself down psychologically and repressed my ideas. Other people felt more powerful.

Tonight as I sang I made a declaration to my younger self that I was here to protect her. I couldn’t back then, but from now on I’d do everything I could to protect her and myself from harm. I will do what I want, when want. I will say what I want, when I want. I will speak up even if people end up not liking me. I will not allow other people to abuse me. I am not here to be liked. I am here to speak my truth. I will not be walked over again.

Tonight I sang to the divine feminine. In the Hindu tradition, this time of year is a celebration to the many deities of the feminine. It’s called Navratri. I slayed my demons and began anew with the help of some powerful Goddesses. I healed my essence. I am stronger now. Yeah!

I have a voice. I am worthy. I am not afraid.

Celebratory ‘Moved out of Housesit’ cake fest. A few days of freedom is upon us with ecstatic singing tonight. Life is good.

Final scritch scrotch with sweet Pickles. Thank you for giving us a lovely safe space darling one. You are a very special catto and we love you lots. 😻

Ramshackled loveliness.

The friendliest sheep.

First time up The Tor for me. First time because, well, I’m not a hill kinda girl. So after much panting and whining from me and love and encouragement from wonderful Simon, I made it. The autumnal air felt alive. It made me feel alive. And those views…