Beautiful Miss Monique dances so much in her sets, I can never quite get her in focus. Eternally elusive, forever smiley.
Better to be dancing, whether rain or sunshine are some of the lyrics in this groovy, chilled out tune I discovered yesterday. It was the last track in a set from Miss Monique which also had loads of amazing, tuneful melodies and beats.
The cutest boy in the club wanted to buy me a drink last night. I’m grooving at the bar, happy as happy can be, and there he is, grooving along too. It was such a sweet moment of two people sharing an appreciation for beats. And then he asked me. About the drink. My 16 year old self would have been weak at the knees at this point, planning our future together, hoping for a snog to start it all off. I felt a mixture of things and strangely it wasn’t flattery (because I already knew how awesome I was ha!). The overriding feeling was that I didn’t want to owe him anything - energetically - in a vibrational kinda way. I also knew I could get myself a drink much faster. My practicality and independence shining forth. I’d clocked the queues, which line was being served the quickest so although I said yes, to honour an exchange I suppose, I soon afterwards disappeared, to join a shorter queue and buy my own drink. And the cute boy….he was so preoccupied with friends and chatting to even notice I’d gone anyway. That’s young folk for you - no attention span whatsoever.
One thing I noticed whilst dancing last night were all the stories of the people also dancing. There was one sweet girl, who tried mutiple times to get me to dance in her group and I saw as a mother hen, wanting to help others but also not being fully present with enjoying herself due to all these extra responsibilities she’d assigned herself. I used to be like that too until I realised I’d spent the whole night focused on others rather than actually enjoying my own musical trip.
I saw there wasn’t much of an attention span for the music. There was a lot of chatter, moving about, messing around. And while if that’s what they want then great, I saw the difference between us - I was there to stay focused on the music. I was in communion with the music. And people noticed me because of this. It’s like they couldn’t work me out. On my own, grooving to my own rhythm, not wanting to engage too much, just having a personal adventure. My smiles were so wide. I couldn’t help but smile. I was loving the driving beats and suprisingly ethereal moments.
One boy (they’re so young in nightclubs I can’t quite believe it) came to me and said he could feel how much I loved my own company. I told him the club was my church and the dancefloor my altar. He smiled broadly and said he’d preach my gospel.
Then there was the meeting with the restroom fairy godmother but I’ll leave that for another time.
It’s good to be back.
It’s been one of those days where everything was perfect and right. Where everything worked in my favour. I found everything I was looking for and so much more. It felt like I had more than one guardian angel caring for me today. I have loved this day sooo much. And I’m grateful.
I got new, shiny, red glasses. It’s always exciting getting a new pair isn’t it? I went for a more playful design this time and it’s changed my whole perspective and positive mentality, not just my face. How amazing. I guess it’s similar to getting a new haircut. Or a new style of clothing. They make me feel fab. Yay.
I sought out new Glasgow City streets, enjoyed different vibes, hangouts, designs, cultures and secret passages. Glasgow is great for walking around. Old buildings, sacred churches mixed in with modern, weird and wonderful architecture. And of course, wonderful people all with a patter. I’m loving walking and wandering. Without a car, I’ve had to embrace public transport and new sensations. I’m glad because I see it all differently now. It’s more raw. And alive.
I looked after my health by buying some nourishing herbal medicine. It feels good to nurture myself and I’ll continue to happily engage in becoming the best version of myself.
Then finally I came to Mac’s Shoe Repair shop and my world went up another notch. You see, my feet are real trouble. I’m always buying insoles, I’ve got hundreds of pairs - expensive, handmade, cheap and cheerful, gel, hard etc - I’ve tried them all. And still, my feet aren’t satisfied (that’s an understatement - I can end up crippled very quickly without the right orthotic support). I’ve been through so many shoes and to so many orthotic appointments. I’m always trying to find ways to manage my medical needs and sometimes the journey has been lonely, scary and futile. But today, I had help from George. I didn’t even go in for anything more than a toe repair….I had no idea that he would help me like he did. After an hour, I came out with new orthotic insoles, shaved, glued, moulded, created by him to my very particular requirements. He said “find any soft material you want - a yoga mat even - bring it in, we’ll make it into an insole for you, we’ll make it soft enough”. It was like a dream come true. Somebody who gets what I’m talking about. He’s willing to help me experiment until my feet are happy. He’ll try things little by little until I’m satisfied. He’s my cowboy guardian angel and I’m quite emotional about the time, care and consideration he approached my situation with. I can’t thank him enough - but I can try - starting with regular chocolate bar deliveries.
I’d been wedging pure soft wool under my insole for a few months now, to help with localised rubbing and soreness. Now, I’ve got a special, soft bump protection area, just for me, which keeps my foot happy and doesn’t move around whilst I’m walking (wool can be super wiggly under my kind of feet). I’m a real advocate for using wool to protect against soreness (at the points of shoes for instance) as it’s soft and padded. But there’s something wonderful about finally having some simple leather insoles which don’t squidge up as I walk, protect my broken bumpy bits from further damage and just fit me perfectly.
What happened today was a revelation. And as I work with George more, I can hone this insole design to a tee. I will have ultimate insoles! Without needing a private clinic (expensive) or the NHS (long wait). Just me and George with his old, sturdy machines, filing bits down, gluing on softer sections, tapering lines to help me get my perfect pain free feet. He even said, if I knew how to work the machines, I could do it myself to get the most personal experience ever! Now that would be a story : )
I’ve said it before, I’m saying it now - Love your feet people!!!! They can be easily forgotten when you don’t have problems and while I’m quite jealous of that, I feel very protected foot wise for the first time in a looong time.
Giving thanks to the universe for a lovely day. Thanks to my guardian angels, thanks to the kind, helpful, human people along my way, thanks to the nourishing food and medicine, thanks to my strong legs which got me around and thanks to my sweet companion Simon. I’m eternally grateful.
And thanks to you for reading. I hope you had a great day too!
Got my hair cut by a sweet, wise, bubbly lady called Yvonne. I’m sure we’ve all had confusing experiences in hairdressers. This time it was wonderfully smooth and fun. Spending time getting pampered was lovely too. Looking forward to finding my feminine side once more.
I do I Ching online sometimes. The explanations, though full of riddles, are super interesting and ring true to my life. Today’s hexagram was all about conflict. I love how it says some conflict is necessary:
‘Tension upon the strings of a violin can make majestic music’.
What do you do if somebody calls themselves an arsehole and you say ‘no you’re not’, but then over the course of time you realise they are in fact an arsehole?
Arsehole could be many different things. In this case, for me, it’s talking too much and not listening enough. Simple yet profound.
How do you pull away from someone vulnerable? To save yourself.
If I had held on to all the psychic vampires in my life and spoken to them regularly, I would have no time to live my own life because I’d be hooked into their dramas and reality. It’s not easy to switch off when they stop speaking either. I’m the sort of person who mulls it over again and again. I’d like to feel it less.
I’m wondering why over my lifetime, I’ve ended up friends with people who talk a lot, about themselves and their lives, hardly able to stop for breath. And I just listen and respond with care. And keep listening, sometimes not even needing to respond because they don’t really want me to - and I start to feel something bad inside. Like an unconsciousness that I can’t escape from. Like I’m being devalued. I haven’t the heart to tell them to stop. I see the good in people and stay silent even when I feel affected negatively but this takes its toll on me mentally. I’m drained and confused, sometimes really upset because I’ve no way of helping - even listening doesn’t feel enough at this point - and now I have all these stories and images that I didn’t have before. My energy has changed. I talk faster, seem more anxious and it takes me a few hours to calm down.
It’s important to be aware of toxic relationships. I’m still learning how to navigate them. Not wanting to hurt but knowing I could hurt me more by listening. How honest do you get? Or do you just fade away and stop calling? It feels like a cop out but I understand it. I was honest with my mother last year and we no longer speak. It’s the only time I’ve stuck up for myself and spoken my truth - in order to stop the hurt. I learnt that many people don’t want to change - even when they know it’s causing the other person pain. No matter what their relationship is.
I’ve never told a friend that I’m feeling overwhelmed by them. It’s not my place. But then when I escape and stop calling, it feels like a weird ending. I’m torn because I’d want to know if people have a problem with me. It’s important to communicate. To grow. I’m ready to learn. Not to change completely, just to work together, figuring things out. I love being inspired by people so they bring out the best version of myself. I love being lifted up and lifting up others.
Moving forward, I’m excited to meet warm, receptive folk. I love listening and I love it when others listen to me. And respond. With a question or idea. Learning and respecting. I’m a Leo, I love to tell my story but I’m also aware of how much people can go on so I don’t hog the conversation. There’s a flow between people’s energies when it’s healthy. It’s something instinctual that your body and mind just figure out naturally I think.
I read an article about communication. There’s a bit in it about how people having a conversation usually spend most of their own air time relating the story back to themselves. It’s a self-centered, self-serving conversation between two people…or more. Relating it back is an odd thing. It negates completely what the first person has said and all of a sudden the attention has shifted to the other. It’s happened to me many times and it’s a party killer. It feels like I’m talking to a toddler. It feels disrespectful and that I shouldn’t be there. It makes me wish to escape. It’s an instinct, which I feel I need to cultivate more. A warning system.
And what about the person who speaks non stop for half an hour when you first connect without even asking how you are? Have we all met one of those?
This is where I come to true Friendship, where the connection is fun and beautiful. There are giggles and tears with long, interesting conversations. Give and take. Ebb and flow. It’s special. Your chemistry changes and you just know you love this person so much. Because having love affairs with your friends is totally nurturing. I wish I’d had it more. But Glasgow is a wonderful, bright, friendly city and I’m sure I’ve got adventures to come.
If you have relationships which seem unbalanced, I feel you. I’ve learnt many things from them and continue to learn. About myself, my goodness, my childlike trust, my inability to speak up for fear of conflict, and my value.
I wish everyone peace and love. It doesn’t mean I have to be friends with you though.
Visit smiley @peaceful_barb on Instagram, if you have it, for the most beautiful affirmations and wisdom. She’s wonderful.
My exquisite ‘tin’ has been with me a long time. A birthday present to myself many moons ago. The hue captivates me.
Celebrating a beautiful reunion.
Tell me you need a coffee without telling me you need a coffee - * Note to self - remember the base next time 🙄
Had the magical experience of happening on a delicate flower today and in the moment I took the photo, her petals began to drop. No wind, it was just time to let go. It feels like a lucky moment, witnessing this flower surrender.
Never heard any Space Rock until now. Astromelia have a wonderfully groovy and exotic sound. I’m loving their rhythms and beats. One review says ‘What is it about Chile? Another great space rock band who are carrying on a fine tradition’. Chile sounds awesome! Beyond is my fav track : )
There’s been a change to the macaque hierarchy at a Japanese reserve and now the alpha is female.
Creamy lemon cheesecake ice-cream🍦 followed by scented purple buddleia goodness.